Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
