Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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