Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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