Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
