i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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