i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
