Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
