she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
