No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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