I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
