Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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