he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
