Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he puts the penis in happiness.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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