We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
