I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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