i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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