Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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