I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize