would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
