i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
