i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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