Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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