I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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