you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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