And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think people are normalizing furries
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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