Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
