Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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