I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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