I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
