He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
