This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
