she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
