I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
