dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
