did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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