i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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