How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
