sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
