I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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