Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
