dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize