Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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