I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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