i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
