remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Vodka?
Forever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
