Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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