There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
