dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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