Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
