I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
