i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
