I just cut my nipple shaving
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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