fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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