singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
even my farts smell like vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
