The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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