i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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