Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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