So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
