he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
