the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
