My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize