i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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